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where have i been...
what the hell?
where am i?
i've been reading, quietly.
don't worry.
<3 love you.
z.
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Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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Sunday, December 14th, 2008
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so maybe i'll update, again.
I'm done school for the semester!
well, almost. I have to hand in a huge English assignment (about seven mini essays compiled in to one huge block) on Monday by six pm, then that's it!
I have about a month and a half off from school over the winter break- which just seems so crazy-long to me, right now. I really felt like I had been over-working myself with school in the past few weeks, but I guess it can be seeing as paying off since the marks I've received back for exams and assignments have been really high. I guess it's just a matter of "how much is too much?" and health vs. a number on a page, or something.
toooooday is going to be about getting a big chunk of that page done, buying homey stuff at the drugstore for the roomie and I since I have my 30% employee discount from working, like, on day a week for six hours. ha. getting dressed should also be included, fuck. haha. I'm just lounging in random-ass clothes that I haven't washed in forever but don't look horrible- it's mostly just the feeling of having super fresh clothes on that feels so great. oh! I'll try and go to do laundry, too.
It feels so hard for me to get motivated to go outside and adjust to the super cold weather (well, around -10 c) right now. I don't like winter clothes! I feel swamped in my long jacket! okay, enough complaining, the white fluffy snow everywhere is beautiful and the world feels lighter now, with the brightness on the ground lighting sky and everything up at night.
here I go.
love you, guys.
i also suck at read-over-ing and editing, no mind!
<3
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
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Sunday, November 30th, 2008
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Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
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I missed raaaaaving. this made me so happy:
I went to a rave (finally! again!) called Rainbow Trip on Friday. In an warehouse in the middle of industrial graveyard land. but still by my place! so i was able to walk home along the canal in the AM.
so so so fuuuun. sober fun, too. except for rose petal teaaaa beforehand.
I'm listening to a set CD i got for free right now. It's so cheesy and so good. "Come fly with me...we can fly across the sea....!" all that happy happy mushcore stuff. Just seeing everyone and the colours and styles and epicness of everything has just left me feeling SO inspired over the past few days. Not that i've really done anything tangible with my inspiration, but i have all these clothing ideas.
(Fourth paragraph beginning in "I") I would LOVE some legit and flowy light raver pants. UFOS! a lot. There are some on ebay that would be perfect and are SO cheap, but I don't have an account our a credit card to pay with. hmmph.
EBAY USER JOURNALS FRIENDS <33 want to help me out? i'd love you even more than I already do, kind of.
the last "FUCK" was concerning messy stuff after breaking up with spencer and him feeling upset and angry (and i'm not saying that he doesn't have the right to feel that way, because he does) and refusing to accept my answers and reasons for the breakup that I was trying to express to him. blahhhh. I might call him soon, the only reason really being that i WANT to keep in contact and on the good side of everything with him, but I'm worried that he's just going to repeat what he said last time. which was sucky. and cry-y for me.
mmmmm yes.
i have a bunch of school stuff to do that I should be doing. I might just really last-minute it tomorrow before my class. jashfgahsgahjsghsskhhs. gah. back massages?
<3 z.
p.s: we named our puppy Yuca. : )
( Read more... )
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
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Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
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<3333333
I'm now sharing my life with a BEAUTIFUL baby-girl husky dog. She's between 2 and 4 weeks and from a sled-dog farm that my mom's boyfriend, James, worked at taking care of all the puppies. She's going to be living at my mom's, but they stopped by with her at my apartment in Montreal. I can't wait to go home and see them and watch her grow.
oh my god. she is so wonderfully full of energy, light, chi, warmth and beauuuuuuty.
I was caring her in my arms down the street to the car trip back and I felt like one of those DOG people- you know, the ones with the really cute puppies that are so proud and in love with them and everyone else who walks by just sees and goes "awwwww... *squeal*".
What would you name her?
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Monday, November 10th, 2008
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Spencer and I broke up. I ended it- saying I needed more space and that I didn't want to drag him along in a relationship that I didn't know if I even wanted. It was true.
<3
It didn't end badly, and I know we both still really love certain things about each other and respect one another. which is so nice.
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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Friday, October 24th, 2008
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okay okay okay. this just made my day.
i'm not sure, but I think it made me smile to see people who are a big part of my life everyday being mini-youtube celebrities. it's cute. and gives you a peak in to people i hang out with? (even though the videos are from at least a year ago.) i'm a creeeeep. <3
we're not punks. ha. i don't know, i guess it's cuter to me because i know em.
also! i love watching political stuff.
before youtube creeping my friends' band above, i was watching Barack giving cute speeches and i've been watching all the debates (u.s and canada's) this week.
i've been sick all week. gross.
ilovethemuppets!
that's it.
love <3
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Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
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piss piss pissssssssss PISS PISSSS on a stick.
i'm stressing myself out so badly. Homework and assignments and mid-term exams (already?) feel like they're pilling up fucking everywhere and trying to smother me.
I don't know what i want. a relationship? no relationship? independance and maybe loneliness or the security of having him there but feeling smothered- and not connecting with myself?
Since the last time i updated, my dad and i blew up at each other over the phone. him being angry that i hadn't called and me being angry at him for not handling the situation well-yelling and blaming me and trying to make me feel like shit. or, at least, that's how I ended up feeling. i cried so much that i felt dried up for two days afterwards.
We've just started writing quick emails back and forth instead. he wants to meet up sometime. again, I don't know what i want. I don't know if i'm ready, either. I'm still so angry at him.
i feel small, and like i just want to sleep sleep sleep and not get anything done. and bury and burrow under my covers and make a castle by putting my feet up in the air over my head and reading kids books about dragons. god.
little miss gloom, right?
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Thursday, September 11th, 2008
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I cut my hair and dyed it brown again!
I love being boring. bahah.
everything's going well- school, spencer and a little bit of work. yeah.
to do:
buy Fimo to make new earrings/plugs.
sea chapter readings.
gym readings.
othello act 2 and 3.
nvc chapter readings.
annotated bibliography for south east asia class.
answer sea questions.
make 2nd hand cast in plaster. scratch that.
do laundry.
..zoe..
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Thursday, September 4th, 2008
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i'm doing betterbetterbetter.
i've decided to giver and do really well in school this year. like, a ninety average, i swear. or i could try.
CRASH IN TO ME.
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
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i can't handle this right now,
i really, really can't. I feel like things with spencer are falling apart- or I'm making them.
I'm not happy.
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
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p.s: shopping list for today:
• black slim pants (for work, but also just to have.) i still haven't gotten out of the skinny jean phase i got in to when i was more "scene" and sixteen. i can't help it! >.>
• sculpey clay / bake-able clay that i can make earrings and gauges out of. super inexpensive and pretty and easy to do, apparently. my friend trina used to use it when she made hers. i don't want my holes too big, though.
• maybe some new plain shirts. all that back to school shit and even though i already have way too many clothes. ha. man. oh well, i can afford it now if i choose to.
• new black fineliner pens and other fun art stuff.
• pho soup for lunch in china with micheal mason?! num. i had a craving for it last night at around ten.
• sensodyne toothpaste.
• new concealer.
yeah.
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i finished working my last weekday shifts at work yesterday!
I worked from saturday through 'till tuesday- which i guess isn't that much, but i'm super excited to have the next four (!) days off to do amazing things. I let the woman who i work with and makes the schedules know that i start school/cegep on the 25th, so she cut my hours a bunch.
and that's good. and i'm happy about it.
i'm scheduled for the weekend coming up- saturday and sunday, and only for 5 hours each. woop.
also, back to the topic of school- i'm actually super stoked to start again and learn new things and meet new people. i think going back this year will be a lot more comfortable that last because i've been in montreal for a year, now- i know people and the school and i've setteled and grown up a lot, too, i think. anyways, excited for that.
things with spence are going really well. no real hitches to talk about. i hope we stay together for a while longer, and evolve and grow even closer and all that good stuff.
want to see pictures from Blue Skies / us being dirty hippies?!
(they're from august 1st to the 4th.) spence and i took the greyhound from montreal to ottawa and then five of us stuffed in and went down in my friend mel's tiny little car with all our junk. my camera's film turned out blank because i sucked at rolling it on- but these are my friend grant's pictures. (he's the one wearing a hat with sunspots on his face.)
( when you smile, i melt inside. )
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Monday, August 11th, 2008
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i met sara from tegan and sara, today at work.
we talked and laughed about the crappy store set-up for photos and i took one for her medicare.
sick.
she was so nice!
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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
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the good:
-waking up next to spence, which is always wonderful.
-getting to sleep in until ten even after waking up at seven so say goodbye when he went to work.
-i made a super nummy breakfast and stirfry with tofu that i brought to work for lunch.
-getting a super big happy rush about a few hours in to working and being all smiley. and having people be all nice, too.
the bad:
-getting woken up at nine in the morning by construction workers drilling a HUGE hole in the street in front of my bedroom window.
-workworkworkkkkkk 11-8 today and tomorrow and the day after. (saturday off) then four more days after that. D:
-i keep on having stressful/strange dreams. my mind is screwy.
- feeling exhausted after work and wanting to go out and spend time with my friends but not having the energy.
(scratch that- i do have it. i just lack motivation to go out and make it happen. lame.)
the amazing:
i went camping for four days with melissa. it was so wonderful.
it felt like exactly what i needed.
i wrote to my friend seth: "camping with just trees and beach and water, all that good stuff, was exactly what i needed. my nerves felt all frayed in the city. and i came back with that feeling you have after spending a whole day swimming in the ocean- all sun and dazey happiness."
<3 zo.
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vermicellifor2's journal
